Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
