people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
