Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
