I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
