the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just high enough for therapy.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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