this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
