Banned from zoo.
Again?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
