Sponge bath it is.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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