***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
