I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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