Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
