i don't like sucking hair
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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