i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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