Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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