i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
