I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
