i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you win again, gameday.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
