I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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