We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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