I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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