Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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