i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
