I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
