i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
