Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
