Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
