I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
