I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
ok first of all what the fuck
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
