based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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