How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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