Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
