I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
