i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
