They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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