Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
