i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
