9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
