Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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