Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
