I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
