I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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