Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I need a beard to bite.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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