My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
