JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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