i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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