i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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