The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
