He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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