why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
