turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's rum buckets o'clock
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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