BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
