just tell him i said nine months
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
