There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
