Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
