you traded sex for a burrito?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
