literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
